Feeling Invisible

Life moved forward….it always does.  I was the happiest that I had ever been in my romantic relationship but miserable in life.  I cooked, I cleaned, I did laundry.  I picked up dirty socks, dirty dishes, used Qtips, toenails cut and left on the living room floor.  I cleaned crap that had been wiped on my very own shower curtain that I had hung with love in the kid’s bathroom.  I always walked into an unflushed toilet.  It literally astounded me.  These were not toddlers…one in HS and one about to get there.  Friends would come over and #13 and I would be at the table together.  Hello #13….ignore Mrs C   No one said a word….#13 didn’t correct or chastise them.  God knows the kids didn’t say “hey do you see the woman with the blonde hair?”….no….I was the hired help.  Kids were allowed to be rude and ignore me.  God it felt horrible.  I would cringe each time a kid popped over.  It was almost as bad when we ran into old friends of theirs….”#13 how ARE you and how ARE the boys?”  I was standing right there….sometimes I would get introduced….sometimes I wouldn’t.  Sometimes I would say “Hi I’m the maid” and sometimes I thought….oh screw this and just said nothing…..All this care and concern….hearts in the right place I know…..but all this worried concern as he stood next to me beaming.  I began to dread all social events, even a trip to the store could darken my mood for the evening.

I would work, go to the gym and come home.  One kid on the couch texting away would stop and say “what’s for dinner?” with garbage all around him.  The other buried in his room would say nothing.  I remember being upset one day and telling #13 that he didn’t need a wife….he needed a maid. I had raised two kids and never allowed this….my kids stood on a step stool to do their own wash.  They had chores.  They participated in this thing called life.  They realized Mom killed herself at work all day and needed a hand.    I was done with this arrangement.  I was done being the doormat to what I was now starting to see were two  kids. that no one ever expected a damn thing out of  and so it began….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *