The Early Stages

Those first months were a jumble of emotions.  Emotions that only another WOW or GOW will understand.  The house itself was dark.  Dark drag wall colors and clearly a home that screamed ‘ a woman lives here and she just stepped out for a bit’.  Mismatched dishware, glasses and utensils. Cupboards filled with can goods from years ago.  Baking supplies and spilled flour exactly where she once placed the bag.  Wedding pictures, honeymoon souvenirs, baby pictures and mementos were proudly displayed.  Every which way that I turned was an eerie reminder that this was someone else’s life, family and home.  My imagination threw in “someone else’s man” just to keep me up at night. How in God’s name do I ever get comfortable? I didn’t want a new home.  He had his and I had mine.  His kids were in school and mine were done.  Why uproot them?  Looking back we should have ran like our asses were on fire.  Ran towards us rather than the endless battle of trying to make them into us.  Instead I sold my home and lost ‘me’ and moved into ‘theirs’.  I often wonder what happened in my childhood that made me choose to torture myself…..or maybe I was dropped on my head at birth….love makes us do some twisted things

Things progressed quickly.  I don’t remember how or why but I started moving toiletries and clothes in.  I went in the master bath to put things away into cabinets I had not entered.  I found her contact lens stuff.  A chill ran through me.  The walk in closet was cleaned of belongings long before I came along.  #13 indicated that I could have the dresser over there.  Drawers were empty except for one filled with socks……I panicked and left.  A sock scared the bejesus out of me.  A sock?!  In my head I could see her reaching into the drawer putting away laundry.  The ghosts were swirling. I told him and he took care of it.  We donated to good will.  So now I need to sleep on their mattress….bathe in her tub…..use her nightstand…bake with her pans…serve on her plates….sit on their couch…..the list was endless and Mrs C was lost forever…or so it felt like

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